It has been a melancholic evening.
It has been filled with thoughts of sorrow and regret, and comfort eating. Followed by more sorrow and regret as I lie on our sofa. The flickering flames of the candle and the sollace of our living room have failed to provide relief. You see, Kind Ones, I had an IBS attack on Tuesday, which it then shared with Wednesday. This then moved into today, Thursday. When I’m stressed I eat with my emotions rather than my stomach or mind. I know we all do this so I am not going to beat myself up over it. However, I am regretting my food choices and the amount of foods I have consumed because this fragile system is truly struggling tonight. My stomach is angry; its temper is not calmed by my hot water bottle and peppermint tablets. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
I have decided to share this with you as a last attempt at cheering myself up and in the hope of gaining something from it. I am no longer expecting physical release as I know that only time will provide this. From experience I know it takes at least 3 days, from my last attack, to recover. What I am hoping for is mental release. Liberation from my thoughts of regret and self-doubt. Isn’t it funny how physical pain can cause a lack of self-worth. This always happens when I have IBS symptoms. Let me explain. I have been taught by the medical profession that IBS attacks are due to stress, food intolerances and an already sensitive mind-gut system. This leads me to think that if I had managed my stress more effectively, if I did not have that second or third helping of ice cream, or had too much peanut butter then I would not be in this situation right now.
I feel as though there is a brick in my stomach. It is like a paperweight keeping me pinned to the sofa. My stance is bent instead of upright, confident and at ease.
My body, mind and spirit are saying “be gentle to me”. So, friends, this is what I shall endeavour to do. You can join me if you wish. This is the plan: Be patient. Accept your frailties. Eat and drink all that will sooth. Carress your broken mind with thoughts that are nourishing and encouraging. Surrender your spirit to all that is greater than you.